emilyy indeed.

march 28, 2009.

emmo23 — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 21:03:00 +0000

1. happy birthdayy blayneiferr.

2. throw me under the bus again. im through with this. ive learned i cant trust you anymore. i use to be able to tell you anything, my hopes and dreams, my troubles. but for some reason, your own opinion about anything gets in the way. you always find something wrong in what i do. maybe im proud my myself for who i am. i dont care if you dont like who i am. frankly, my dear, i dont give a damn. i hope you remember that. im never gonna be the perfect girl you dream of me being. never. i refuse. leave my 16-year-old boyfriend alone. he has nothing to do with this. dont blame my friends. dont blame the drama. stop blaming jonathan. blame ME. or blame yourself. your ruining the relationship we have been building for years, dont knock it down. maybe its too late for you, but its never too late for me. i can turn whatever the hell i want around. just because im broken inside, doesnt mean i cant fix that. that also means i dont want that to be the way it is. you’ve lost my trust officially. you dont stand up for me. never. if he doesnt agree with you, then i get the dead end. and im not gonna put up with it anymore. im done. stop pointing fingers. stop calling names. stop running my life. im taking it from here. and if you dont like it, then im leaving you behind. your loss.

march the 18th.

emmo23 — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:17:14 +0000

happy late-st.-patircks-day! haha. i stayed home today. for some reason, i couldnt swallow. but it was a early dismissal anyway. so anyway, ian came over until l8ike 4 30 to keep me company. i lovee him. also, i missed a math test. so now im on the phone with andrew. talking about ian. and im bored. ugh. so im gonna go.(:

pi day!(:

emmo23 — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 22:22:49 +0000

why hello good people. today is Pi day! 3/14/2009. and it is also me and ian’s 4 month anniversary. but he blew me off all day! like every time i texted him it took him 20 minutes to answer. and then he stopped answering all together. so im kinda mad. and he keeps texting me now saying “what did id do?” and im kinda annoyed. you blow me off, ill blow you off right back. so anyway! i went to the sock hop yesterday. LOT OF FUN. we met a buncha kids that were freshman in a different high school. one i took a liking to. theres more to that story, but thats just for me to know. anyway, yesterday was friday the 13th. but it didnt feel like it. 2 in a row. nuts, right? haha. anyway. i have the writing notebook that i take everywhere. and i left it somewhere in school. and when i went back to get it, everyone was going through it! i was so frikin mad. they had no right.
im bored, so gtg.
(:

wednesdayy the fourth.(:

emmo23 — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:03:53 +0000

did you know that yesterday was square root day? 3/3/09? haha. the next ones on umm april 4th 2016. where will i be? hopefully hmm alive. but who knows. some monster could eat mee. eek! i doubt it. so here i sit next to mahh boyfriend.(: hes very cute. hes shaking his head. and then he kisses me. long and hard. just the way i like it. so anyway. this girl wacked me in the head today. it was very mean, and now my head hurts. so excuse me while i make out with my boyfriend.
haha.
just kidding.

so anywayy. im bored. and we had wendys! and i was on runescapee. and now im not. so now my sisters bugging me. eek! im bored. so im gonna go now. oh! we got off school monday. 6 inches of snow. thats about all thats new. (:

byee!(:

today, i have realized;

emmo23 — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:42:16 +0000

a few things. for one, my spelling really never makes sense. and two, as many times as i look at his page, my reactions still the same; the same eye-roll, the same sad sigh. and yet i try to change it, but i just keep doing it. his page isnt depressing or anything, bu something inside me use to die when i saw his love for another. i have come to be immune to his unloviness to yours truly. and how he forgets about me a lot. and how sometimes hes a little nervous, and yet i have no idea why. but there you go; another mystery waiting to be solved. and i suppose i should have gotten over the fact that he never is gonna call me, despite the many times i have asked him to. sad, ehh? oh well. life moves on.

i still happen to have the flu. jeesh! i hate this thing. i mean, i was getting better, and all of a sudden, BAMM! dead. im on my ass again. this thing knocked me there. i hate the flu! ugh. but whatever. things take time. and i realized also today that every cloud has a silver lining; in my case, everything does… except orange push up pops. they seem to melt when they are in the freezer. but there does happen to be a silver lining! they taste good while they last. yummy(:

so i guess today sucked. since i had to go through school looking like a total moron, with my nose all red and my eyes all puffy; with used kleenexes falling out of my pocket. i should of worn glasses. i think i got mah boyfriend sick too. oops! and he says he never gets sick.

so in conclusion, heres my myspace. www.myspace.com/smileyemily23
if you wanna add me, just tell me you read my blog. thanks!(:

ps. im a meanderthaw. a meandering neanderthaw. haha. get it?
…
nevermind.

emilyy!(:

for some reason,,

emmo23 — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:05:33 +0000

im confused about everything in life. maybe depression is a way to open your eyes to something you missed when you blinked before. maybe dreams are to are to show you what really goes behind closed doors. maybe memories are there to hurt you, but in a good way. maybe bad days separate themselves from good days. maybe without good there would be no bad; no bad? no good. maybe music is to express yourself; to keep you going. writing is to help you when you cant even explain what your feeling. random depression? love going off the deep end. yet people don’t understand what love really is. sickness of the stomach when they are hurt. sad songs to heal the wounds. tears rolling down pale cheeks. happiness beyond your wildest dreams. screaming bloody murder when you awake from a horror; a kiss to settle your nerves. when you just want them to be happy; even if it kills you. walking away when its the last thing you wanna do. the same feeling you have had for months back to haunt your best mood. a random cry; act of violence; tear. broken hearts shown for the first time; out of the closet and walk through that door. just walk away. away from that horror you wake up to everyday; that pain that you would do anything to get rid of. that confusion you didn’t know was there until you had a choice. that hope! crushed. that one chance you thought you had, pushed into an oblivion. like it never appeared in the first place. secrets kept untold. things you will never know. its there; right in front of your eyes. but you blink. its impossible not to. like a shell taken with the tide; nearly impossible to return in the same spot. gone! like it was never there. I LOVE YOU drawn in the sand; washed away, unless written in concrete. rare! you break the caution tape to get that far. there’s danger in every turn; take that risk. take that final leap off the cliff, you never know what you will find at the bottom. falling in love and you don’t wanna hit rock bottom; but everything has an end. falling! and your too oblivious to see where your going. that lonesome penny in the wishing well. just like the rest, worth is taken for granted. is that you? sitting there at the bottom of that well? or are you the one throwing that penny down that well, under the bus, out of your life, out the door? and you say you would never do that. ha! lies. are you really in love? is it an ongoing mystery for you? that one clue that keeps you going, that may solve everything. that leads to a dead end. is that you? that DEAD END sign at the end of a dark alley? or do you dare to leave your comfort zone? that one place where no pain can get you, no tear can be shed, no light turned to dark. where there’s nobody to say goodbye to; there was nobody there in the first place. there’s nothing good about bye. you shouldn’t have to say it. and unfortunately, its one of the most commonly used words in the world. so is love. but is it with you? or are you that shell taken by the tide? are you the heart breaker; the heart breakee?the winner; the loser?the boy; the girl? the smile or the cry? alive or die? hello or goodbye? love? for some reason, i doubt it now. that hope? crushed.

call me a sinner, call me a saint
tell me its over, i still love you the same
call me your favorite
call me the worst
tell me its over i don’t want you to hurt
its all that i can say,
so ill be on my way
~Shinedown

the reason i wrote this is because the one person i thought loved me, didn’t. the one person i would die to have been loved by, doesn’t love me. tough love. but whatever. i would die to have their love, to just have one more kiss. but no. i messed up once; I’m not taking that chance again. if they want me, then they can tell me. I’m not becoming the pathetic one again over his love. no, not again. and you know who you are. :/

ps. sometimes the only thing love needs is time.<3

tuesdayy the 17th!(:

emmo23 — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:57:23 +0000

we didnt have school today! or yesterday. and then sunday and saturday. but saturday was valentines day. and for the first time ever i had a boyfriend on valentines day. and it felt amazing to be loved. and i went bowling with caitlynn and iann and blayniferr. so things were great. except i got my ass handed to me by cait in bowling. and then sundayy i went homee and yeaa. and other stuff. and then yesterday i went over caits again. andf hung out with her blayniferr and iann. and then WENT SHOPPING. i love shopping. oh, i went shopping on sunday too. and now todays tuesday. and i walked up to panera to get my sister a smoothie. and now i want one. ughh. so imma go now. i lovee ian!(: and everyone else. byee!

me and ian?

emmo23 — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 02:45:09 +0000

love. i read his blogg on here. and i felt bad. so i called him up and took him back.

everythings grand.

wednesdayy the 11th.

emmo23 — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:40:37 +0000

todayy kinda sucked. well i got up and my stomach felt like shit. then i went to school. and ended up bursting into tears infront of the whole gym class. so my mom came and got me. well she had to go to work so she dropped me off. and so i took a shower and got a few things and went off to roam the world. i went up to shoppers to get a rockstar for the first time, they are so good! and then i went to the woods. i sat in the tree house, where me and mahh friends were saturday. i looked back on everything. so im roaming the nieghborhood whil everyones in school. it was fun. then i went and met up with ian and caitlyn and blayne at burger king. and got another rockstar. then i went home to eat with cait and victoria. and then we went to kmart. and saw my mom. and then we talked to austin. and i was really hyper.

but i learned something today. never trust your friends to be friends with your ex boyfriend. they try to steal him.
and sometimes they almost succeed.
and to think i was gonna take him back…
:/

tuesdayy the 10th.

emmo23 — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:12:19 +0000

todayy was boring. im sitting next to victoria. and were talking about todays events. well. i drank a monster. i got hyper. lee la. hahahha. that doesnt get old. theres a road called lee lane and i thought it was called lee la. it said lee ln. haha, silly mee. and i was hyper like feerr a whilee. and i still amm! haha. so were jamming out to fall out boyy. and these sad songs. imma cryy. and texting. and shitt. oh and,
me and ian brokee up.
:/